The Great Illusion: Being Ready & Feeling Secure

The second half of 2016 really got me thinking. I was forced to make decisions I never thought I'd have to make. Choosing to forfeit my ability to have children and giving up my dog were two things I never ever expected to happen - especially by choice. There were also some things I had always dreamed about and finally did them: like quitting my day job and starting a business. Well, after months down the line from some of my biggest life decisions, I'm finally learning something.

Number One: I Will Never Be Ready

I really believe this. Sure, I can be more prepared, but preparation doesn't equate to readiness. In my mind, being ready is more of a mental state. For so many years, I was waiting for my feelings to catch up to my great, big ideas and desires. I was waiting for all fears to subside and, again, for my feelings to be completely positive. I probably should have known this by now, but that's a crock of shit. Feelings are fleeting and shouldn't dictate our actions - or minds. As long as we are in this form (human), we'll always have fears, egos and past experiences battling our best selves. My experience has taught me the only cure for not being ready is --(more cowbell)--- to commit. I also never felt ready for so many things because of the pressure I put on myself. I've learned not to commit to results, but to just doing. Now, I honestly feel I can do anything: I'm limitless.

Number Two: There is No Such Thing as Security

I was struck with this little number today. I'd been really thinking about some things that made me feel insecure. I was exhausted and overwhelmed by anger and frustration with circumstances I could not control. And I kept thinking, "If I had this amount of money" or "if this person did this" I would feel differently. No. I shut those thoughts down real quick. Security/insecurity is really still just a feeling. We set our own definition of "security". If there's anything life has taught me, it's a) money can be gone in an instant and b) so can I. For years, I've striven not to place my security in finances. This is a conviction I hold very deeply. That's not to say I don't work hard or don't believe in having a savings account, but I've removed my emotions and comfort from monetary provision. The moment I actually was free from fearing not having enough was when I quit my job to pursue what I've always wanted. Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of times crying on a bathroom floor not knowing where my next meal would come from. But all these times led me to trusting God for provision - not finances. No, I'm not talking about the kind of faith that doesn't work and expects money to fall from the sky. Instead, it's a newfound trust that believes, hey, even if I should end up homeless or broke, I'll be okay. I guess I really became committed to being okay in any situation: to be content in all things. Yup, another Jedi mind trick.

I'm not sure if this was common sense to everyone else, but I feel pretty baller being on my A-Game.