...But Do You Want to Be A Parent?

Since choosing to have a hysterectomy almost two months ago, I've had to have some serious conversations with myself. I made my decision a month prior to my surgery and am grateful it was my choice. I had chosen to become unable to bare children because of health complications and after so many years of pressure and anxiety, I felt relief.

Finally, I didn't have to balance a heavy load of choosing family over entrepreneurial or travel decisions. I didn't have to worry about cramming my life's ambitions into a single span of time before my biological time clock stopped ticking. And not only do I not have to worry about becoming pregnant, but I will never have to worry about becoming a parent.

One thing you should know about me is that I love kids. At one point I thought I would raise 4 or 5 of them. After becoming incapable of having children, I still watch vloggers with their cute families, I still heart all of my friends' babies on Instagram and I absolutely adore being around them. Sometimes I find my heart wanting children, but only after seeing photos of a sleeping newborn after a well-arranged photoshoot, or after a cute video of a mother gently talking with her toddler in the car. And it hit me - there are times I want children, but there is never a time when I want to be a parent.

The internet is rampant with forums, blogs and articles of women who express their desire to have children - to be loved unconditionally, to have a connection, to leave a legacy, or to be taken care of in old age. Rarely do I come across expressions of longing to be a parent. Sure, maybe we blur the two into a single desire and fool ourselves into thinking wanting a child is the same thing as wanting to be a parent, but I don't think they are the same at all.

I think a parental relationship may be the greatest example of love - to put another before you at the expense of yourself, to sacrifice for the greater good of another human being. Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having kids to fulfill our own heart's desires. But after hearing secondhand accounts of what teachers experience at the hands of their students or seeing firsthand how younger generations have no grip on reality, self control or discipline because they weren't parented themselves, maybe it's time we start generating conversations about why wanting children shouldn't be motivated by emotions, societal pressure or a biological time clock. Wanting kids should be accompanied by wanting to be a parent - not only when it's easy or convenient, but every waking moment - because while a desire for children can be fulfilled in an instant, a parent will never have the luxury of ceasing responsibility.